I have been a lover of first-person shooters since Doom 1 had initially been released. I love being able to kick the shit out of everyone with my little spike ring to my size 11 boot. Not to mention my trusty AK-47 or my Thumper grenade launcher. I’ve always been good at these games too, and of course they have always been a lot of fun. BUT not as of recently. Now when I play games like Counter-Strike or any other FPS, I feel like running upstairs and kicking my dog in the head. Counter-Strike was great, but now it is plagued heavily with so many cancers that it makes me beat the shit out of any object in the area of my reach because it makes me beyond angry. So now I must vent about the random bullshit this game has to offer now a days. SOOOO without further ado I will mention the first set of cocksuckers who should be hung by their pubes from electrical wires:

1. The H4X0rZZZZ!!111!11 – The death of the game started with these penis touchers. Little 11-year-old Billy thinks he needs to prove something to the millions of people playing that he is superior. So he finds 1337 haxorz that make him see through solid concrete and have perfect aim. Fuck this guy. Only I can do that stuff! Stop making me mad you fucking hackers and go die ala John Ritter.
2. The whiney kid whose voice sounds like he’s talking while his balls are being squeezed together with a vice - These kids not only make me want to bash my head through my motherboard, they are quite humorous! For example, last night I was enjoying a great game of counter-strike where I was totally owning everyone by 500 kills, when this little shit comes on the microphone and screams “OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU DEFUSE THE BOMB YOU STUPID FGT!!!!!!”. I immediately laughed and typed into him “Hey little boy go to bed”. So this triggers his little pubes to get all mad and go bald fury on me. He ripped on my handle which was “Passing the Time” since I was obviously PASSING THE FUCKING TIME while playing. I let him vent his childish rage for a while, then I started to rip his limbs off once by one and eat the remains.

God. I can’t continue, just talking about this makes me furious. There are tons of other people on these fucking games that make me mad but not enough time in my life to describe them all. Oh, well. Fuck it. I’m going to go play some Counter-Strike. Who’s with me?